i've disappointed someone

2010-06-20T21:25:00.000+08:00

I've disappointed someone.. why am i worth living...

Suicide no?

2010-01-07T20:39:00.002+08:00

Harlows blogy...

I cant believe that the thoughts of suicide still haunts me till today... scares me like hell...

Sunrise on 14th Sept

2008-09-17T02:27:00.001+08:00

What a fantabulous way to start the day!
Waking up early to the cool morning air, traveling with friends to the jetty and camping to patiently wait for the sun to rise.

The pictures will speak a thousand words...

Even the worm knows that he should wake up earlyer to not meet the bird!

World Youth Day 2008, Sydney

2008-09-10T01:31:00.008+08:00

I never expected an offer to go for World Youth Day would happen and happen fast. I think I got worried at how fast the days whizzed pass, from the acceptance of the offer to a week after I came back from Australia. The entire journey has definitely been very fruitful and eventful.

When I heard that World Youth day was to be hosted in Australia, I was very excited that I thought of going for it. At that time my plans were to save up and go for World Youth Day and New York City, a treat for myself. As months went past my plans soon became a dream for me to even be there for a day. Optimistically, I told myself there will be another world youth day for me to attend. I left it as that and never prayed much for it, because I was not prayerful and just believed that if God wills it, it will happen.

My life went on but it went downhill. Downhill not because I couldn’t go for world youth day but because of the situations I end up at. It was mainly about having disappointments and being sick of it, sick to the point that I blamed God for allowing tragic things to happen to me. Why me God?

Why take away my plans to go for World Youth Day? Why take away my plans to have a good time in New York City? Why am I poor? Why am I not good enough in everything I do? Why am I who I am?

FORGET IT! God doesn’t exist! That was what I decided upon and lived not acknowledging God’s presence for quite awhile. Masses were a mere routine and attended out of responsibility to my ministry. Fortunately I continued to attend Christian meditation, which allowed my inner voices to whisper “are you there Father?”

I can’t remember exactly how I got back to believing in our Father. One definite anchor I hold on to is the Our Father, the only prayer that I find whole as compared the other text said during Mass. From there I increased my faith by simply believing and allowing our Father to work through me.

At last, the day God placed before me an offer. I was told that brownies were being sold as part of fund raising efforts to defray cost for the contingent heading for Sydney. I decided I should help to give the contingent more money to use during their trip. Who would have taught that enthusiastically selling the brownies at the car park and talking to the drivers would have given me the opportunity to go for World Youth Day?

Being able to go for World Youth Day was one thing and being spiritually prepared for it is another. I already missed most of the spiritual preparation for the Holy Family contingent and my spiritual life was merely floating on a sampan.

Amplify Ministries, Youth In the Spirit Seminar was my answer and was a spiritual growth beyond my expectation. Perhaps I went in with no expectation that made the 4 day journey very fruitful. An embracing welcome, an experiential time and an embarking into new life was certainly a reawakening of my faith. If I could take one line from the whole camp, it would be “Nothing you can do can make me love you less.” To know that God loves me that much was the start of my healing process.

I was still not packed, three hours before leaving for Melbourne! People started calling me to ensure I brought everything needed. Christina gave my mum and I lift to the airport. Whilst finding which row I was supposed to check in at I saw that my Dad had brought along his wife and his daughters. He had only told me that his daughters wanted to see me off. It did not affect me much but I was concerned how my mum felt and thanks to God that the mini farewell was no tear jerker.

Just being at the airport made me recall my aspiration to be a steward but after observing the stewards and the work they do I will definitely discern if that will be the lifestyle I will want to adopt.

Singapore Airlines served superb supper and breakfast, coupled with the in-flight entertainment I think I pinched myself just to ensure it was not all just a dream. Thank God!

When we touched down and alighted off the plane, the sight of most of the passengers of whom had a WYD logo or a cross on them, really touched me that we are on a journey to experience God as Christians!

We took 3 hours to get checked out of the airport as 5 other planes touched down at the same time. Brenda and I sang Angel in Disguise concert songs to entertain us as no music was being played in the airport.

For once I felt lost as there was no one to fetch us at the airport when we got out but after awhile we found a WYD booth and were able to help locate our contact person to bring us to our host families.
My host family, Uncle Godfrey, Aunty Kate and Corey were very hospitable. Dominic my house mate and I were brought to Boxhill shopping centre for a meal and a short get to introduction of each other, although we actually got acquainted via emails before we met. Once we were settled and got our general directions, Dom and I went our separate ways, yes on the first evening in a foreign country.

My agenda was to surprise Jonathan and Jasmine who I have not seen for a long time, to my surprise they got me a gift because they had a hint that I was coming. Well I headed home and Corey was kind to have fetched us from the train station which is about a 15min walk away.

Jon and Moi

Jas and Moi

I actually planned to go jogging in the morning but having not adjusted my clock to Melbourne time and the freezing temperature of the morning, I slept in. We woke up for morning Mass which was short, simple and silent. Silent for me because I have never experienced a Mass when nothing was sung.

I went to the City to meet Jonathan and Jasmine for a tour around the city. The architecture was beautiful! The one building that took my breath away and made me stand at the entrance in awe is Saint Patrick’s Cathedral. The thought of the priest saying: “Blessed are you, Lord, God of all creation. Through your goodness we have this building, which earth has given and human hands have made. It will become for us a place where we praise you.” This was the start of my journey in Australia.

My stay in Melbourne was for me to warm up the people around me and God who was all around us. He was definitely with us while we shared our lives with our host families, experiencing different methods of prayer and encountering him through nature and even total strangers.

I remember of two such strangers who I felt was God sent! First was this girl who we met while at a concert which was part of a rock band competition and featuring a Catholic band, Matt Maher, who was the first catholic band we’ve experienced. Natalie was her name and she was very warm to us. By just introducing herself and offering a souvenior after exchanging contacts made me feel how opened she was to us. She wanted to bring us to some place nice to eat but she could not remember where the restaurant was. We ended up at a Japanese restaurant instead and she felt sorry about ending up somewhere else. Nevertheless I just felt she brought so much joy in our hearts during dinner and our conversations. As gift exchange I made her a rosary bracelet as I felt she needed that and somehow the hug she gave me affirmed that.

The second stranger was this man who I sat beside with on the train on our way back home. As Singaporeans we do speak quite loudly and we sure weren’t shy about it whilst in a foreign land. I noticed that he kept turning his face towards us just listening into our conversation. Not long after he turned to me and asked, why was I happy? I told him that after meeting Natalie and just being on the journey of getting to know God again made me happy! He was glad to hear that and shared that he is a Christian too and how he is living his life of poverty, by living simply and in the service of others. It reminded me of my profession in the hospitality industry and how I really feel happy when I serve others. To me it was a reminder from God of the gift of hospitality I have.

In Sydney I was changed! Through the sacrament of reconciliation which was available everywhere we went, the catechesis that were taught, and the words that combined the whole experience together from a talk given “Nothing you can do can make me love you less.”

Reconciliation is definitely necessary for all of us to allow God’s grace to wash our sins away to receive the power from the Holy Spirit, especially through the Mass. I think I almost reconciled everyday, not that I constantly sinned but each day I recalled the sins I made in the past that I wanted to let go of. Its not only the feeling that I was set free but knowing that I am loved by God and no sin is to big for him to clean away.

Catechesis which was taught at various venues and was very different from what I have learnt during catechism classes. I guess it’s because that bishops from around the world were giving catechesis and were answering our burning questions too. One of the sessions I took back a good lesson. It’s about our faith and how we grow into it. The bishop said that most of us are cafeteria Catholics, picking what we like and ignoring what we do not like. In contrast, he said that to truly grow in faith we need to search for the truth. We can do so by climbing the cliff wall of our faith. Before we would move to our next step to rise up the wall we would need to stand on a step that is firm. That firm step represents our knowledge of our faith and if we did not understand it fully we would definitely fall off it. It really spoke to me because I gave up my faith last year with the result of not understanding our faith fully and giving up.

The words “nothing you can do can make me love you less” means so much to me, I found it very affirming that I, a child ever so sinful is worthy is His love. Now I go to God ever so often, knowing that it is very much the act of sin that makes it wrong and not the person. I remember clearly how I stormed to the adoration room one night during YISS because I was angry at God, never in my life would I have entered into presence of God when I got pissed off. Now being in the presence of God, which is everywhere, is very real to me.

While I seek for truths of our faith and proclaiming it, I recognise that our faith is a mystery and it will be revealed on the last day. For God will reveal to us individually his plan for us all. For me, I know I am call to serve as a Fool for Christ!

I leave you with more photos from my trip... alternatively you can see more photos on my facebook.

Cute right?

Flinder's Street Station

WYD youths making music opposite the arts centre

KrispyCreme!

Artistic statements on the train...

One of the few luxurious breakfast

Old and new

Chinatown

Guatemalans

I had to take this photo for obvious reasons

I've never seen a train crossing!

Isnt this car cute?

Lamp tower

Beverly Hills in Sydney?

Campaign for trains

Long live the queen!

If you notice there is a ring around the moon

Yeah I love Matt Maher!

One way! Jesus!

Home sweet home!

Adre's MADness with Orange

i've disappointed someone

Suicide no?

Sunrise on 14th Sept

World Youth Day 2008, Sydney